Am I Happy? part 2

"Yuri, finally I see your smile again!"
"Agree, long time didn't see you can laugh like this crazy."

When I heard from them about my happiness are back, I really happy.
This because I really free from my burden and the "power of duck"(stress)
But actually am I really happy already?

Although I free, yes I free...

But my heart still told me once I still in this group, I never happy as well as usual, this because of my responsibility to this group.

Although they didn't put me in blacklist, but I hope they can.

At least, I can free from anything about this group like my friend.

Yes, I not need to do the stuff, but when I see my members do, I also want to do.

I really don't how to release all of this things.

I really tired, every night I have to burn the midnight oil for all the night.

And then sick!!!

I really want to out from this group, please help me, my dear GOD!!!

I want to be happy again and again!!!

Am I Happy?

~S.M.I.L.E~
A simple word and simple action for everyone. It easy to do but not for me for now.
Everyday I smile, in front of my friends and my family, seem like nothing happened, but really, I wanna to get off this SMILE mask from my face.

I hate it although sometimes it really works. But am I really happy about it?
It made me tired and suffered but nobody concern about it.
This few days, the real SMILE seems like lost from my world.
I only can cry and cry, then have a "fake" smile in front of my friends just don't want everybody know about it.

I really tired. but there are not a word "give up" in my dictionary. I wanna continue it but my body can't make it. That day, I faint, but only my closely friends know about it. I don't want let them saw that stupid poses and worry about me but can't, they really saw it with their eyes. And I think they already scared by me.

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Dear friends,
  Sorry to say that, I make you all scare and worry about me, but I promise that there wouldn't have a next time, okay?
  Thank you.

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Dear SMILE,
  Can you with me, with a real one, not the "fake" one? I want to be a happy person, but not the person who only know faint and then cry, besides cry,only cry.
  Can you with me, for all the times? So that the stress can't make my breathe sucks.
  This only my wish to you. Please let me continue my life with a happy mood.
  Thank you.

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